Stupid sob story - NOT CENSORED
I am not censoring this blog. There will be cussing and who knows what else
Okay, I'll be serious. But it does feel like a long time ago.
Back in the summer of 2006 (2 weeks after I got fixed) I had a major life changing event. It set the wheels in motion for me ultimately becoming who I am today.
But what I didn't realize at the time was that it also impacted my body. Or right now that is what I think the problem is.
I'm ad oooo was that? And this is kinda painful, so I'm going to let my mind jump wherever.
So, I just want to put it out there that I have never identified with a gender, I have girl parts, so I was taught to answer those kinds of questions with that. But, I answer to anything except "Elizabeth" and "Jennifer" (no, neither of them is my given name, yes, people try to call me them) kindergarten my all white non Spanish speaking self went to an English as a second language school because I lived in a Hispanic neighborhood. The teachers taught in Spanish and we responded in English, and my non verbal ass, didn't register anything wrong with that. I also learned that if you put one boy in a group of girls, the group is now a group of boys. ... maybe I'm over simplifying. But the next year I went to a normal school and played with the boys because girls are dumb. I remember the teacher calling us to get our attention "boys, oh, and girl" and it really upset me. I was playing with boys, I was a boy, OK, no. It's not that I identified as a boy, it was, I was with a group of boys, so to call me out differently upset me. Ehh, I graduated back in 2002. But the point of my side bar is I don't care what you call me, just stick with that until your thought is over.
But I was born with female parts, female parts that have the same grasp on the concept of time as I do.... Aka my cycles happen whenever for how ever long they want to.
So it didn't even occur to me that suddenly developing symptoms that tell me my cycle was about to happen might be a thing to worry about, infact, I'd be almost a year before I put those two things together, but I was in the Navy at that point and who cared if I spent a day or two with what we all jokingly called morning sickness.
One step at a time.
Everything happens for a reason.
Those where my mantras. When I felt to sick to move, I made myself move anyways. One step at a time, one foot then another, just like the song. I forced myself to keep moving. Right into the emergency room to sick to function on several occasions.
"Everything happens for a reason" is still something I live by.
Year after year.
Then a decade had gone by. I get an implant to hopefully force my cycles to follow a symbolance of a predictable pattern (HA! Jokes on me)
Fast forward to 2018 and my close friends are getting concerned, my morning sickness is lasting a couple of days most of the time and rendering me unable to function.
But im stubborn, I start working Graves because between 10pm and 9 am I almost never throw up.
Fall 2019 my morning sickness last up to a week at a time and is no longer synced to my cycles, or maybe it is, I dont know. My cycles now are I spot one time I use the bathroom until my next cycle.
But now I'm throwing up during working hours, and no, I am not okay with that. Time to go find out what's wrong with me.
Sidebar time. I haven't dropped enough clues yet, let me make some things clear.
My body is abnormal.
I'm nocturnal, have been since I hit puberty.
I'm allergic to hypoallergenic stuff, you know, that stuff that you're not suppose to be allergic to?
Anti-nausea medication makes me throw up if invested or feel like I'm on fire if fed through an IV. The only one that I have a somewhat positive response to is the stuff they give AIDS patients (thank the doctor that thought to try that one)
Medicine that puts normal people to sleep makes me hyper. (In boot they gave me a steroid that was suppose to knock me unconscious for three days. They had to force me to stop doing laps and put me in my bunk where I bounced until I passed out hours later)
Medicine that makes people have more energy knocks me out, and you can't wake me up for HOURS (18!!!) until I've adjusted to the medication
Aloe and a lot of the over the counter stuff like it dont mix. Put it on me and whatever it is won't heal for months.
As little as I drink, I almost never get dehydrated, but when I do, I can't hold down liquids and have to get a IV to stop throwing up the liquids
One more thing
**I don't drugs, I dont take medication that isn't prescribed to me, and I almost never drink.**
This is my body's natural response.
So, I start going to the VA and get tested
And tested
And tested
...
I'm perfectly healthy, nothing is wrong with me
...
But im throwing up multiple times a day now
They finally decide to put a scope in me
For weeks I've been throwing up multiple times a day (and still going to work, most of the time)
Scope goes down my throat into my tummy.
I wake up before they were ready, but thankfully after they finished.
The doc tells me the results "there is minimal damage, but otherwise, nothing wrong"
He even gives me a picture.
...
>.>
He had to point out the damage
Minimal indeed.
And I had been throwing up multiple times a day at this point. And at least several times a year for over a decade.
Minimal damage
2020 February I made the smartest decision of my life
I moved in with what I'm going to call my adopted family. They adopted me before I moved in. I was a friend with the dad in the navy.
About a year ago I took a major turn for the worse.
It didn't help that I had just changed clients and at my new location to step away (even though the bathroom was right next to me) I had to call on the radio where everybody on my channel (over 80 people) could hear me request to be relieved. (And everybody had to listen to the radio and only talk if you needed something)
But the bathroom was RIGHT NEXT to my post. And unfortunately I am rarely quiet when I throw up.
So I got sent home, multiple times, until they said get cleared by a doc
... finally I went a whole week without throwing up, got cleared and tried to work and threw up and got put on medical leave.
Yes, im ignoring covid stuff. It has nothing to do with me.
Oh, that first stimulus check? I bought a fitbit to track my sleeping and all that other stuff.
But my sickness became like a Rollercoaster. Some days I could function, some days I couldn't even function enough to lay down and understand what was going on in audible.
Thankfully my rent is less than my disability, but now that I'm not working my car insurance comes out of my disability first. Which is why I need ads and my stupid links. Please, pennies add up.
Things got really bad when I started throwing up my medication. Medication which I couldn't sleep without.
Sept rolled around and I had fallen into a kinda predictable pattern so I tried to get a part time job... I lasted just long enough to get both my families Christmas gifts. And really, they should have fired me before they did, cause I missed a lot of work.
By this point it is a struggle to keep taking my medication, im almost never holding it down. I'm not qdjust to them anymore sleeping 10 to 18 hours if I can hold them down. I start asking my doc to wean me when it was time for a refill. What does she do? Send me a full strength 3 month refill.
When the power went out along most of the north west coast (I was affected, 36 hours without power was boring) I just stopped taking my meds
Which honestly is stupid and wrong and I strongly do NOT recommend it.
Just, at this point my body didn't know what to do with the medication anyways and I had been on it for years. I.wanted.off
My meds doc called me shortly after because one of my other doctors pointed out to her she hadn't seen me in almost a year (when my last meds doc retired, she was awesome! I left for a year and she remembered everything about me when I moved back) and she wanted to check up on me, she wasn't thrilled that I just quit my meds, but I swear I could hear her shrug over the phone as she went to look up how long it was going to take for them to get out of my system
It's been about two months now and omg.
Yes, im still throwing up, but, I have a mostly predictable sleep pattern, I started writing a story (that you will never see... prob) I was able to make a background story for relm, I wrote a program in a new language, im learning another language
I'm not 100% better. I run out of spoons pretty easily and need a break.
But
I feel better. I feel *normal*
If I could just stop throwing up.
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